| Sunday, April 30, 2006 |
| all up in your face |
did i tell you about the time i dreamt i beat up 50Cent? i either dreamt it or imagined it really well. pretty sure it didn't actually happen, for a variety of reasons.
anyway, i'm all walking into this public toilet, and 50Cent is in there, using the urinal i guess. anyway, i see him there, and i'm like "Ok, normally i couldn't do this, but seeing as i could get the jump on him here.." so like i take a run up and leap off a cubicle wall or something right onto him. it gets quite violent from there, involving ceramics of various types and so on, but basically i rule. incidentally, all my imaginary tattoos are in place at this point as well.
i can't work out if i dreamt it or whether i read about how it's something Robbie Williams imagines doing sometimes. it's just something that pops in there from time to time. |
posted by pine-cones @ 17:00  |
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| Thursday, April 27, 2006 |
| new music, express yourself |
so liek all these guy s are dissin stuff why? is really cool n stuff and alot of ppl r in2 it&if they undrstoof they wouldnt. i know im gonna regret saying this but anyway watch it try not 2b hating them cos thats not cool but u kno where they stand n u kno where u stand so basically that s it realy. also they dont know anything about music they just talk so anyway
oh shut up. i gues s you have never felt real emotion YOU DONT KNOW |
| posted by pine-cones @ 10:30 |
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| Tuesday, April 25, 2006 |
| public notice |
Cajun/Persian/Eastern European knees-up. No-holds-barred limb moving.
"The Next Tuberia will be on Saturday 6th May 2006 at Old St Pauls Hall, Edinburgh EH1. Doors open 7.00, band on at 8.00. Arrive early to eat! Finishing time 12.00 midnight.
Tickets £5 in advance from Susies Diner, 51 West Nicholson St. £6 on door. The Tuberians will play as usual, and special guests will be the Pendulums. 78rpm swing Gramophone records will be played from 7.00 to 8.00. Licensed bar.
Catering will be from Coyaba Jamaican Restaurant. £4 Nyam Nyam - Jerk chicken Curry served with rice and peas and salad. Roots Love Potions."
Keep looking at The Tuberians' Next Tuberia page for more details. May be of interest to Polish, Czech, Bulgarian, Iranians, Spanish, Texans, Russians, North Americans, Palestinians, Carribeans, Iraquis, Estonians, Portugese, Romanians, Iberians, Saudis, assorted Scandinavians, Turkish, Israelis, and general People in Edinburgh. |
| posted by pine-cones @ 11:00 |
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| Monday, April 24, 2006 |
| rumour mill |
So I got a text this morning that said
Hey [Name] I heard you got engaged. Just wanted to say - congratulations! [Name] Who knew? Not me!
Strangely enough I did dream last night that I got engaged. But it was more of a "Oh, so we're getting married next week. I suppose we should get engaged then, right?" sort of a dream. It happens from time to time.
Remember, kids, always go to sleep with aluminium foil wrapped around your head. Keeps people from listening to your thoughts while you're all unaware. |
| posted by pine-cones @ 23:59 |
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| Saturday, April 22, 2006 |
| crowd control |
 Foto: EPA
Q:What is it like playing in front of a large crowd? I used to get excited playing in front of 30 or so people in a local league game, still do.
MIKE WATTS, WALES.
A:It is a fantastic buzz.
It is great because you feel like you are part of something. You could be running out in front of thousands of people, while millions are watching on television. In a small way you are a part of history.
Of course, by the following week it is all forgotten and you have to move on.
JASON ROBERTS, WIGAN FC and GRANADA
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| posted by pine-cones @ 12:00 |
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| Friday, April 21, 2006 |
| Linguistini Quarterly |
To continue a theme present in your mind (if not in mine too), four letter words are in general very useful. As many office workers can attest, even the most dulled of brains can construct meaning from context, however obtuse the subject matter may be. To illustrate, please read the following article which has been reproduced accurately except with a maximum character-count of four per word. And yet, the content is largely understandable.
If you were an acto and were more-or-less avai (or even, as in my case, huge and unde in dema from all quar of the indu but still just abou avai) and your agen were to ring you with an offe to play (with reco to any Russ acce) the glor self-serv ponc, shys Chic at the hear of Gogo - unus for Russ lite (not that I've read it all) - humo, sati and, some woul say, alle mast Dead Soul; and if you felt espe qual to unde the part havi alre perf the kind role of Hles at the tend age of 14 in a (rath well-rece, if I reca) scho prod of Gogo othe grea work The Gove Insp and furt, if you were appr of the fact that the piec was adap with rigo, irre and unab sill by word Dan (what a grea surn) Rebe of rece criti accl thea piec Here What I Did with My Body One Day fame; and if you knew that you also had the envi oppo to play the merr fool (just an expr - not a char in Dead Souls) with (and I don't wish to come over too luvv but...) a supe cast of love folk head, in the role of narr, by none othe by than the admi unpr and pers, pere and Pyth-y Pali; and (here's a, if not, the rub), even if acce of said role enta trav to Manc with a rece hern disc (lett of symp and gifts of cond to my agen, plea) and reco the enti proc over the cour of four days whil knee on cush and squa in a seri of undi and only occa comf posi, and desp ever best effo and lots of coff and bisc and symp, you were still in cons pain, but that pain led you to some feel a stran empa with the spir and hist suff of the Russ peop as a whol and the pers torm of the auth hims who, in late year, havi fall unde the infl of a zeal prie, agon over the perc amor of his crea (Goog Gogo for more info); if, in conc, all the abov cond obta, woul you acce the job even at the risk of thus some offe the dead soul of Gogo hims? I did.
PS: I woul very much like to be cons for the role of "zeal prie" in any fort dram of Gogo life (I expe Pali will be offe the main part). Could you tell that the article was indeed by none other than Mark Heap, much vaunted theatri-comic actor, writing about a two-part production of Gogol's Dead Souls to feature on Radio 4 in which he will be playing the lead character of Chichikov starting this Sunday 23 April, from 3pm to 4pm, and again the following week (The full and unabbreviated text is available to read in this week's Radio Times, accompanied by a picture-portrait and an artistic representation of the play's production)?
Interestingly, not only does this show something of the innate ability of the human mind to seek meaning by connecting disparate sources, but word-shortening techniques can also be used as an aid when learning large amounts of written material: after a period of time, the learner restores the altered passage from memory. The extra work involved in reconstructing a text both meaningful and faithful text is most assistive in the creation and strengthening of neural networks. It should be noted that by constricting wordlength at four letters, the overall character count dropped by only 22.7%, emphasising the prolifigacy of our small friends. Further study could also draw attention to attention spans, breathing capacity, and the psychogrammatical feature written into the original text as it stands at a mere three sentences long (max length 394w, min 2w, median 124.3r). |
| posted by pine-cones @ 13:00 |
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| Thursday, April 20, 2006 |
| yassss |
 Pardon me, but I notice you do not have a Beard ... May I ask WHY? |
| posted by pine-cones @ 10:00 |
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| Tuesday, April 18, 2006 |
| i'm the scat man |
last night i had to educate two people from a nearby church about swear words being ok at times. there was an "open question" session, people had written down questions and put them in an actual hat, and i think this one was required to be answered by me. the question was "how do you justify the use of badwords according to scripture?".
perhaps they had been listening to my private moments using special devices but nomatter, i explained that there are in fact four categories of swear words according to holy writ. in laymans terms, two categories are not allowed, one is allowed, and one is reserved especially for use by god.obviously it is more complicated than that but for those of you interested in cliffsnotes at this time of year, there it is. |
| posted by pine-cones @ 14:30 |
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| i am a man of weak hams |
On the back of packets of Seabrooks, there is a list of available flavours just like any other self-promoting crisp packet. Below that, there is the following advice
Can't find your favourite flavour? Visit
www.seabrookcrisps.com
for our mail order service Thank you, internets.
By the way, Seabrook Crisps are the best crisps and cost only ~27p, or actually 25p if you order 48 packs at once from Mr C Brook's very own representatives. I believe they are crisps of the spirit. |
| posted by pine-cones @ 14:00 |
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| a portrait of the artist as a young man |
If Harry Potter was any good that is how it would turn out. But alas, in comparison, it is cack.
Also, I am definitely crying at the World Cup. It doesn't matter what happens but I am definitely crying. That's what my self told me today, and this is part of getting ready for it. |
| posted by pine-cones @ 12:00 |
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